M c E A T O N ’ S

Weekly/Monthly Humor Since About Probably April

McEatons.com is a reguarly updated collection of Sam Eaton’s regularly rejected humor pieces written for McSweeneys.com        Hope you enjoy      

Fictional Product



From the man who brought the world Trump University, Trump Steaks, and Trump Airlines – comes the newest item for the average American peasant, Trump Caskets ™ !

The essential funeral product of 2020!

Trump Caskets ™ are guaranteed to be the best caskets money can buy – made by the man who knows the most about money and death. The man who’s valiant inaction has guaranteed that citizens across the United States will have the opportunity to be laid to rest in the most American of ways, unnecessarily dying at the hands of old greedy white guys.

But it wasn't easy for President Trump to orchestrate such widespread human sacrifices though. It actually took a lot of work! Work that ate into his golf rounds and his toilet twitter time. But he knew deep down that securing his own personal profits would be good for the American people too.

Just look at the funeral industry these days – it’s BOOMING! It takes a special kind of genius to ensure that an industry based on the death of average Americans survived the recession too. You think that “Sleepy Joe'' or “Basically Brain Dead Bernie” could stimulate the funeral industry like Daddy Trump has done with their socialist medicine? In their communist dreams!

So this Winter, give yourself or a loved one the greatest gift of all – a breathless exit from life and a quick entrance into the cold ground. With the Promo Code [COVID], a legitimate proof of death showing that you or your family member died from the coronavirus, and a couple of thousand dollars, you can die in your very own Trump Casket ™ !

So don’t wait for the ventilator!

Pre-order your Casket ™ today!


Monday Nov 5 2018